Changes

Christmas was fun this year. I hadn't really noticed it but when I look back on the past few years, I haven't been enjoying Christmas like I used to.

Thanksgiving of '99 was a huge blow to my ego, my self esteem, my heart, my trust, my entire life. For that reason, Thanksgiving hasn't been the greatest holiday for me since. I've pretty much gotten past it though. I enjoyed Turkey Day very much this year and thoughts of the ex and the past never even came to mind.

I guess I hadn't noticed that I'd been letting that anger, resentment, and pain spill over into the Christmas and New Year holidays.

My sister pointed out to me that this year was the happiest she'd seen me at Christmastime for quite a while and that she was happy to see it.

I'm glad that she brought it to my attention. I've been doing some thinking since she brought it up. I've changed so much in the past 5 years. I even amaze myself at times. I've come a long long way just to get back to my old self. Strange...

I'm more the old me than I've been in nearly 20 years; a little wiser, a little less trusting, a little more lonely, a good bit older, and a lot fatter, but me, just me again.

There are things I'd still like to change, improve, eliminate; that will all come in time.

For today, though, it's nice to be me.

I'm going to go ahead and post this song here. I've listened to it over and over today. I cannot believe how much it speaks to me and my love situation.

Broken Like An Angel
By: Crossfade

She was a queen
Lost within a dream
Misconceived that he was fit to reign
Lies take victims
Separate them at the seams
Cause them to fall apart
Then move along to better things now

She wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that
He's satisfied to own her

No time permits to open up
When you've been hiding thoughts so strong
She's been holding out for an angel to come along
No reply from the sky
But she just keeps looking up
She just keeps looking up now

She wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that
He's satisfied to own her

She'll never know love's true potential
Lost in the open wind
To his impatience
Never feeling they would fall apart
She let her feelings grow
To tears she'll never show now

She wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that
He's satisfied to own her

You know he couldn't see
That she could be his everything
Bringing light to everything now, oh

She just wants to fall in love again
She's broken like an angel