Julia + Suzanne + Mary Jo + Charlene = ?

I used to watch this show called Designing Women. Ever seen it? It's about four women who work together in a Georgia design firm. They're all friends and they all have different personality traits.

There's Julia, lovingly referred to as the Terminator. She doesn't mess around. She speaks what's on her mind, always. She's beautiful, classy, smart, and a little irreverent. She's a widow with a grown son that she adores and currently dating a high-powered attorney. She owns the company and runs it out of her home. She's the brains of the operation.

There's Suzanne, Julia's younger sister. Suzanne is a former beauty queen. She's rich, spoiled, outspoken, and very non-politically correct. She's been married four times, if I remember correctly, and she's taken to dating only wealthy men who have one foot in the grave and no expectations. She is a partner in the design firm because she has money. Basically, she recruits clients from the country club and 'does lunch.'

There's Mary Jo. Mary Jo is a petite, feisty redhead. She's also smart, a little bit naive, conservative but curious, shy, and absolutely adorable. She's a single mother, raising two children. She's divorced. Her ex-husband is a gynecologist whom she put through school and they're divorced because he couldn't stop cheating on her. She's a little bitter, but trying to find love again. She's a designer. She and Julia do a lot of the same work.

There's Charlene (pronounce as a CH not an SH). Formerly of Poplar Bluff, Missouri, Charlene is a bit of a hick. Smart, but extremely naive, generous to a fault, tall, very tall. She has this thing where she can talk for hours, easily switching topics without even noticing the change. She has a thirst for knowledge and asks questions about everything. She's gullible and easily taken advantage of, especially by men. She's the office manager, handles appointments, phones, accounting, inventory, etc.

As I was watching it last night, I realized, for the first time, that I am all of these women. I'm sure that that was the point of the show when it was created.When Linda Bloodworth Thomason was writing these characters, I'm sure she wanted each one of them to appeal to the audience. For the female viewers to be able to identify with one or all of them. I know people who are very much like each one of these ladies.

But I am all of them.

Julia is the bitch in me. The smart one who tolerates people's stupidity to a point and then has no choice but to point it out to them. When I'm Julia, I'm all business. Professionalism reigns most of the time. The Julia in me is the one who reads classic novels and handles my work-day. Suzanne is the fat girl in me who used to be beautiful. She's the one who cracks rude jokes and cusses like a sailor. She's the one who gets her way when she wants it. Mary Jo is the part of me that's reaching out, tentatively, trying to find love again, but terrified of being hurt, tired of being disappointed, and wondering if I'd just be better off alone. She's the one who's shy but can be flirty too, the one who doesn't realize how beautiful she is. Charlene is the playful part of me. The one who still likes to have pajama parties with the girls. The one who reads trash and loves TV and computer games. The one who loves scary movies. The part that wants to believe that everyone in the world is good. The part that wants to trust. Julia shuts her up most of the time.

So, I guess as Chaka Khan would say, I'm every woman.

A True Love Affair

I discovered it in the fourth grade. Mrs. Twitchell was getting ready to start reading a new book to the class. We'd just finished Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume. I could totally relate to poor Peter Hatcher. I had a younger sister who thought that just because she was my sister, she had every right to do everything that I did. It was annoying to say the least.

I went to a small public school - small town, akin to Mayberry of Andy Griffith fame. I didn't think it was odd at all that my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Twitchell, read aloud to us. As a matter of fact, I thought it was great! I still do. I would say that there should be more teachers like her now, but there aren't any that I know of. So, I'll say there should be teachers like her, period.

Anyway, the next book on the list was Charlotte's Web by E.B. White. I'd never heard of it. I had no idea that the book was a bit young for us but that Mrs. Twitchell loved it so much she couldn't help herself. She had to share it with us. Also, I was terrified of spiders, so I wasn't thrilled with anything that had the word 'web' in the title, but I sat and listened as always and that's where it all began.

While sitting in that classroom on a huge braided rug in the makeshift corner library, lovingly created by Mrs. Twitchell, I fell in love with words, words like terrific, radiant, and humble; words I'd not heard before, or more probably, not cared about. I was fascinated by this story. I became Fern. I was transported to this farm. I was as confused, and frightened by the barn as poor little Wilbur, the runt. Not only did I not care that Charlotte was a spider, I adored her. She was so intelligent, so wise, so calm, and yes...even beautiful.

From that moment on, words fascinated me. I wanted to know what everything meant. I couldn't absorb enough vocabulary. I read daily. The muscles of my imagination began to bulge and ripple with very little effort. By the time I left the fourth grade, I'm sure I'd read every book in that corner library in Mrs. Twitchell's classroom. That story, that make-believe story of a pig and his best friend the spider, opened the door to what has now been nearly a twenty-five year love affair with books.

Years later, as I was leaving home for the first time - off to California, the other side of the country, the other side of the world for me, I asked my mom to pick up something for me to read on my trip. I was nearly twenty years old on that day and a voracious reader of Stephen King novels. He’d just released a new book and I assumed mom would know to get that one. As I was rushing off to start my trip, mom handed me the book she'd gotten me, Charlotte's Web.

I still have that very book. I read it on my trip that day and I’ve read it at least once each year since. It's a reminder of where it all began, my love of language.

Thank you, Mrs. Twitchell. Without you, who knows what I'd have fallen in love with.

Fourth grader 1980-1981

The Silence of a Broken Heart

Daddy's gone
Don't cry
Be strong

There'll be someone along soon
To take up the slack
To replace what he took when he went away

Perhaps an uncle?
Can he make up for what is lacking?
Maybe he can take the place of missing Daddy

No...

Maybe God can fill the void
Or a man of God
Maybe she can finally trust
And know love without conditions

No...

Mommy will do it
Heal her hurt
Ease her pain
She will avenge this little girl.
You can always count on Mommy

No...

She'll have to fix it all herself
Find a way to stitch the wounds
Soothe the bruises

And she has
She's better now
Scarred but mended

But if you listen closely, you can still hear it.
It's there
Always there

Like sands through the hourglass...

Anyone still there, still reading, still listening, still care?

I've recently found out that if one doesn't update one's blog, one's readers become bored and eventually stop checking in for updates. So, here I am ready to spew forth all that has been happening in my life since my last entry.

I find it difficult, sometimes, to come up with something to write about that (I think) anyone would find the slightest bit interesting. I guess I shouldn't think that way. This is a journal, right? A place for me to put down my thoughts, ideas, gripes, etc. It's not really here for anyone's entertainment pleasure...technically. I can't help but to think that no one really wants to read of my boring life unless there's some sort of drama going on, however.

So this is my excuse for not updating. I don't feel as if there's anything of interest to report. You be the judge:

I've been spending a lot of time working, studying for my class, and having the flu. I was sick for 2 weeks. I've still got some coughing and some sinus stuff going on, but am doing so much better.

Diet, you ask? Yea, well, that's been blown to smithereens. I'm trying to get back on track with the food and exercise. It's so hard to climb back on. Maybe if I'd stay on to begin with, I wouldn't have that problem, eh?

That's all for now!